Marriage.
The word looks scarier the closer I get to an age where I would be likely to achieve it.
My mom was married when she was 20. I’m 20. And it’s hard for me to imagine myself in her place.
Being at a Christian college, going into my junior year, I’m constantly hit with the idea of the ideal relationship… (meet freshman year, talk about dating over the summer, start dating sophomore year, break up junior year to spend some time getting closer to God, get back together at the end of junior year, get engaged senior year, get married summer after senior year). And while I tend to be tongue-in-cheek and laugh at that, I know that it has to have some effect on me.
My friends are getting married and those that aren’t are still planning their weddings. Sometimes it’s fun to imagine myself married – in my own house, holding a baby, playing with kids, coming home for Christmas with the whole crew… it’s the husband thing that’s harder for me.
The very concept of marriage sounds scary and impossible to me – how can you expect to find someone interesting enough to occupy you for the rest of your life?
Every part of me resists the idea of tying myself down to one person. It’d be really, really nice if it was attainable; it’s a pretty picture. And this isn’t one of those guy-bashing posts. I’m looking at myself and at my personality, and I can’t see it. I fill my life with a thousand different things, at a breakneck pace, and I like it that way. The idea of finding another person who can keep up with me, or who I would be willing to slow down for? A pretty picture, again. But attainable? I have no idea.
I can remember in high school, thinking that I would be married in college or right after, and I could easily see myself in that situation, and I would daydream about it… but now that I’m actually there… there is no way.
I want to be single. I want to have fun. I want to have adventures. I want to travel. I want to focus my energy on teaching. I want to have a rockin’ friendship with God. I want to be able to pick up and go whenever I want. I want to have strong relationships with lots of friends.
I’m not ready to settle down. Not nearly.
But see – I like the thought of romance. Does this mean I want love, but not commitment? Feeling more and more like a terrible person, the longer I think.
Does getting married mean the end of adventures? People claim not, but in my mind, I think it does. Mom keeps saying that I need to marry a guy that will keep me grounded. I want to marry a guy that will go on adventures with me. Forget being grounded. Life is too short.
And aside from all that, just thinking about it… he’s always there. He lives in the same space as you. He sleeps in your bed. He eats your food. He shares your bathroom. He watches your tv and uses your shampoo. He leaves his socks all over your floor.
And then there’s all this talk of belongings. You belong to him. He belongs to you. When do you stop being an individual? I feel like marriage means giving up a part of myself, of my personhood. And that thought makes me angry.
I think the idea of marriage shouldn’t evoke fear, anger, and resistance. Maybe several years from now I’ll feel differently. Maybe not. We’ll see.
Showing posts with label Taylor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Taylor. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
How to Treat a Guest
I’m watching the sun set on my gmail inbox background and listening to Elliot Smith sing about refusing to ride into the sun and not doing a thousand things I should be working on. Instead… I’m thinking.
Last week, Brian McLaren came to our campus and gave an evening presentation, sponsored by IFC. A fair amount of Taylor students were there – the floor of the chapel was almost filled. I was excited to hear what he had to say – I had heard he was somewhat controversial, and I really enjoy listening to people who have different viewpoints than me… which sounds like a kind of ridiculous thing to say, but it’s true. So when I saw the full room, silly me, I thought that a huge percentage of our student body also wanted their worlds blown away and minds broadened.
To my surprise, Brian McLaren gave a very uncontroversial presentation about social justice – talking about the major issues in the world today and how we, as a church, should be talking about them and working to fight them. Like world hunger. And drinking water shortages. He then talked about our worldview, and the overarching story to how we approach Christianity, and how that fits into our understanding about what the church should be doing.
Then we had a Q & A session.
And all hell broke loose.
The first question that really captured my attention was one (or five) from a girl. She got to the mic, fired off a rapid stream of theological questions about the gospels, Jesus, and whether or not he believed there was a literal heaven or hell, and there was a brief pause. Then, roughly 75% of the student body seated in that room started clapping and cheering for her attack on his personal beliefs.
This was followed by a steady stream of people also questioning his beliefs, which he didn’t even address in the presentation. There was one professor who even did this, in a very insulting, belittling way. Though the one that put the icing on the cake was the last boy who “asked a question.” He basically got hold of the mic to give a public condemnation of the speaker, including his most sincere sentiments that the speaker would “have time to figure things out in the future.”
The irony of 18 and 19-year-olds telling a 58-year-old researcher that they had things figured out, and he didn’t know what he was talking about, did not escape me.
I was stunned and horrified at the picture of Taylor University we had given. At the way we had treated our guest.
If you ran into me that night, you probably were treated to a long vent and impassioned cry for change on this campus. Since then, I’m no less passionate about that desire, but after talking to multiple students from all over campus about it, and having a meeting with Randy Gruendyke (our campus pastor), to discuss my concerns, most of the anger has dissipated.
Last week, Brian McLaren came to our campus and gave an evening presentation, sponsored by IFC. A fair amount of Taylor students were there – the floor of the chapel was almost filled. I was excited to hear what he had to say – I had heard he was somewhat controversial, and I really enjoy listening to people who have different viewpoints than me… which sounds like a kind of ridiculous thing to say, but it’s true. So when I saw the full room, silly me, I thought that a huge percentage of our student body also wanted their worlds blown away and minds broadened.
To my surprise, Brian McLaren gave a very uncontroversial presentation about social justice – talking about the major issues in the world today and how we, as a church, should be talking about them and working to fight them. Like world hunger. And drinking water shortages. He then talked about our worldview, and the overarching story to how we approach Christianity, and how that fits into our understanding about what the church should be doing.
Then we had a Q & A session.
And all hell broke loose.
The first question that really captured my attention was one (or five) from a girl. She got to the mic, fired off a rapid stream of theological questions about the gospels, Jesus, and whether or not he believed there was a literal heaven or hell, and there was a brief pause. Then, roughly 75% of the student body seated in that room started clapping and cheering for her attack on his personal beliefs.
This was followed by a steady stream of people also questioning his beliefs, which he didn’t even address in the presentation. There was one professor who even did this, in a very insulting, belittling way. Though the one that put the icing on the cake was the last boy who “asked a question.” He basically got hold of the mic to give a public condemnation of the speaker, including his most sincere sentiments that the speaker would “have time to figure things out in the future.”
The irony of 18 and 19-year-olds telling a 58-year-old researcher that they had things figured out, and he didn’t know what he was talking about, did not escape me.
I was stunned and horrified at the picture of Taylor University we had given. At the way we had treated our guest.
If you ran into me that night, you probably were treated to a long vent and impassioned cry for change on this campus. Since then, I’m no less passionate about that desire, but after talking to multiple students from all over campus about it, and having a meeting with Randy Gruendyke (our campus pastor), to discuss my concerns, most of the anger has dissipated.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
When you Least Expect It
Today as I was walking back from my 8:00 a.m. class in the brisk cold of a typical Indiana autumn transitioning into winter, just after I passed the library and was coming upon the path between Wengatz and Olsen, I was completely overcome with an intense feeling of love for humanity… well, not the condition of humanity… but for humankind in general, for the people… and I think that must be what it feels like to channel Jesus’ emotions, because I know there is no way I could feel this kind of inclusive love on my own. It’s a beautiful glimpse of God… and an incredible blessing to me in the middle of a busy, stressful week.
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